occasionally i receive emails from people in faraway places telling me that they desperately need my help to recover the funds of a deposed general, or a rich prince, etc. usually, i just delete them. today i decided to reply (from a fictional email account)…let’s see what happens.
THE EMAIL –
My nmae is Mr. Stanley David Nin, a lawyer in the Chambers of Nabarro
Nathanson(Legal Practitioners) in London. I am writing this letter
to you to intimate you of a pending transaction I want to execute with
you privately. Anyway I got your contact through one of the Internet
Reference Directories in my Chambers.
One of my valued clients - Mr. Antonio Montoya died together with his lovely
wife Late Antonio Montoya died on the Flight 11, a Boeing 767-200, which was
enroute to Los Angeles from Boston during the terrorist attack on America
back in 2001. I was his personal lawyer and the Executor of his Will. There is no
further traces of any of his next-of-kin in his native Country.
As his personal lawyer and Executor of his Will, I know late Antonio Montoya
kept about GBP 9.2 million in the Vaults of a bank here in London. This
money had been taken to the bank late on the evening of his departure to USA, hence
the money was only accepted and registered by the bank while it was kept in
the Vault waiting for Montoya’s return, which was never to be. I have
sinceconfirmed with the bank that the money is still in the bank’s vault.
Ever since 2001 this money has been in this account untouched!
Now,how do you come in and what is your business with all this? I am sure
this is the question you would be asking me? Simple. As the personal lawyer to
late Antonio Montoya and since vital document relating to this money is kept
with my Chambers, I decided that I intimate you of this development, with your
co-operation, I can present you to bank as the Next-of-Kin to the late
Antonio Montoya. After proper verification of this Claim by the bank this money
will be transferred to your bank account hence you come in as the Next-of-Kin to late
Antonio Montoya.
How do we do it? The document showing that this money is kept in the bank’s
vault is kept in my Law Chambers. I, as the lawyer and Executor of late
Antonio Montoya’s Will/Last Testament will put your name in this Will as the
Beneficiary of this money kept in the bank’s vault. I will submit the
Will/Last Testament to the Bank to contact you and start processing
transfer of this money to your bank account according to the last wishes of my
Client - late Mr. Montoya for further administration to other members of the family.
I am the Executor of late Montoya’s Will.
All I need to do is to re-make the late Mr. Montoya’s Will/Last Testament to
include your name as the beneficiary and submit same to the bank and
introduce you, the bank writes you to confirm this, then transfer process starts
without delays. I am the Executor of this Will and the Bank knows it too. The
mode of sharing this money will be discussed when we agree to work together on this
transaction.
What do you think about this? While I look forward to hearing from you soon,
absolute confidentiality and secrecy remain very important in this
transaction. Thank you and God bless you.
Mr.Stanley David Nin
MY REPLY –
Dear Mr. Nin,
I have just received your email in regards to your client, the late Antonio Montoya. I was deeply saddened to hear of Mr. and Mrs. Montoya’s deaths in the terrorist attacks of 2001. This is indeed tragic and I am truly sorry for their loss. All of us have been deeply affected by those dark days, but we remember them in our thoughts and prayers as the young men and women from both of our countries continue to die for the freedoms they died for.
As for your offer, I must say this is unbelievable news. Recently, I have been faced with mounting bills from a medical condition that I developed as a child. You see, unfortunately, I was born with a left leg 6 inches longer than my right leg. Along with being aesthetically unpleasant to look at (not to mention a real problem when it comes time to buy a suit), it has had more serious ramifications on my life. I suffer from bouts of nausea, vertigo, and an inability to keep liquids from exiting the right side of my mouth when I drink.
My parents, may they rest in peace, tried to do what they could while i was young in order to correct this disfigurement, but, alas, they did not have the financial means to help me.
So, as I now approach my 30s, the long term effect of having half my body slightly higher than the other half, has begun to take its toll. Essentially, the forces of gravity have caused my organs to shift slightly, leaving them in a position where the blood flow is not of equal distribution. This has led to the deterioration of several of my organs (including my liver and kidneys). Thanks to the miracles of modern science I live a relatively pain free life (physically speaking - you can only imagine the emotional scars that come with a childhood full of taunts, teases, and the nickname, slanty). I undergo dialysis 4 days a week and am currently on a donor list to replace my kidneys.
I try and stay positive and I like to think I have a good sense of humor, but I must admit at times it is very hard to live this life. Everyday I watch as normal people (or the even-legged as I like to call them) engage in activities that most take for granted (riding a bicycle, playing kickball, having sexual intercourse doggy-style) and that I will never know the pleasure of, thanks to my affliction.
The doctors have told me that if I could pay for a series of operations they might be able to shave several inches off my leg in order to correct my problems, and hopefully allow me to lead a more normal life. But as I said, my medical bills are very high, and I had begun to lose hope of paying them off, let alone ever be able to afford these operations.
But just recently my psychic adviser, Sister Faye, told me that an unexpected solution to my financial situation would be presented to me, and though there would be some risk, that I must be prepared to help myself to survive.
So it must be providence that you should reach out to me during this time.
Therefore, I have decided to take this huge step (metaphorically speaking) and contact you to pursue the course of action you set forth in your earlier correspondence.
Please let me know as soon as possible what I must do now in order to proceed with our transaction.
Cheers and God be with you.
Mr. Clancy Alvarez Weinberg Stevens III
