Debbie Does Dallas (Again)

I don’t really enjoy watching porn.

I can (sorta) understand people who do like pornography and certainly don’t find anything wrong per se in the producing, selling, or consuming of porn…however, I just never found that watching it produced the intended effect (unless it was porn bloopers and outtakes — yes, they do exist — being watched for comedic purposes, because those are extremely funny).

I’m not sure if this is because I’m an extremely cynical person whose most prevalent thought while watching porn tends to be - I wonder if the dead stare in that girls eyes is courtesy of a heroin addiction, child abuse, boredom, the fact that she no longer has a soul or some combination of the four.

Whatever the reason may be, it’s just not my thing. However, what is my thing (apparently) is watching Showtime’s new docu-reality series Debbie Does Dallas Again.

This new series which chronicals the (re)making of 2 versions of the seminal porn classic Debbie Does Dallas courtesy of porn producing giants Vivid Entertainment might be one of the greatest half hours of reality programming ever conceived.

Aside from the obvious appeal for those people who enjoy the voyeuristic aspects of watching naked people engage in sex for monetary gain. The show contains some of the most unintentionally and ironically hysterical things any person could hope to find on a reality series that takes place behind the scenes of a porn film.

There’s the striving to maintain his artistic integrity director who makes grandiose statements like, “With my work I’m trying to do what Scorsese is trying to do with his,” is aptly named “PT” and at one point references Boogie Nights to describe a shot.

And, of course, the catty pornstars who fight and bitch and moan when they don’t get the lead parts or get cast in the “good” sex scenes.

Etc.

But for me, the thing that really makes the show worthwhile is all the philosophical and logistical questions watching these films being made raises.

For instance…

How does one secure a location permit to shoot two (or more) people fucking on a coffin in an actual cemetery (something that occurs in one version of the film)?

I mean, surely, a cemetery cannot shut down business entirely for a porn shoot (can it?).

And this begs the question — if they cannot — how do they prevent bereaved loved ones from visiting the graves of their dead relatives while people are fucking nearby?

What kind of answer suffices when people show up to pay respects and find a porn shoot under way?

The alternate being true as well…if they do indeed close an entire cemetery to allow access to a porn crew, what do they (the cemetery) tell people they (potentially) have to turn away so that they don’t encounter the sights and sounds of fucking while trying to pay their respects.

I really would like to know the answer to this.

Anyways, if you have (or know of someone who has) Showtime and don’t have any moral aversion to watching a show about the making of a porn film I highly recommend checking this one out.

Tune in next week as the “Alt Porn” version of Debbie director Eon may or may not be getting arrested for trying to film in an unfinished warehouse (with no a/c where it is so hot porn stars resort to sleeping until they’re ready to shoot because “it’s so hot and i need to be rested for when James Dean pounds me”) without a permit.