Unicef

I got a letter in the mail today from the good folks at unicef.

Inside said letter was a nickel, and the words, “This nickel could save a child’s life!” Now forgive me for stating the obvious here, but why in the hell is unicef sending me a nickel that could be saving some child’s life?

I am not starving or in need of any vaccines. I have running water that is clean, and a toilet that works. So don’t you think that they should be sending these nickels to those kids in need whom they talk about in the enclosed literature who need my help.

This seems like one of the worst decisions made all time. I mean, how many people get these pleas for help? How many nickels are wasted on trying to solicit help from people who really have no need for loose nickels? Certainly, the letter would be just as effective alone as it is with the inclusion of 5 cents.

In the letter, the people from unicef state:

“Even if you can’t make a donation today, please return the enclosed nickel as a sign of your support for children in desperate need around the world - EVERY NICKEL COUNTS in our battle to save innocent children’s lives! But if you can, your donation of whatever amount you can afford can help protect thousands of children from malnutrition and disease. Thank you!”

Now, first off, I’ll bet that a ton of people do not ever send back their nickels. But even if you did decide to send back your nickel, it’s gonna cost you 37cents to do it, because unicef, while they toss around nickels like there’s no tomorrow, they do not provide postage paid envelopes.

Maybe it’s just me here…maybe I’m being a little to hard on them, after all they’re only trying to help save the world one child at a time. And I applaud them for this, and I wish I could do more to contribute. But don’t try and guilt me into giving money when you’re throwing away who knows how many dollars with all your wasted nickels.

At the very end, in case you are not feeling guilty enough you are told:

“In the time it took you to read this letter, dozens of young children died painful, preventable deaths. It’s too late to help those children, but you can prevent many needless deaths from occuring in the future. Please don’t delay in responding to this plea for help - the children are counting on you!”

Well congratulations unicef, you’ll get your donation…the children are counting on me alright, because you geniuses keep wasting money that should be going to them.