Ten Ways To Tell If Your Neighbor Worships Satan

This was the headline of an article in last week’s (1/23) edition of the Weekly World News. Seeing as how many of you probably don’t read the WWN as extensively and thoroughly as I do (though if you don’t you are missing out on a lot of really good stuff - see this and the article i mentioned last week about cock fighting in hot air balloons to avoid U.S. legal jursidiction), you might have missed it, but seeing as how this article could be essential to saving your life or the life of someone you know I felt it imperative to share it with you.

According to WWN, researcher Dr. James Phillips, a British experct in the occult, has determined that chances are 1 out of 10 that the person next door is a Satanist.

“Satanism is everywhere.” says Dr. Phillips.

Dr. Phillips’ estimate indicates that as many as 25 million Americans are worshipping Satan, which means that most of us come into contact with these Satanists on a daily basis without ever realizing it.

The good news is that now, thanks to Dr. Phillips and the WWN, we (ordinary God-fearing folks, Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Scientologists, Agnostics, Atheists, and other denominations of non-Satanists) can now better identify these monsters and therefore avoid them and better protect ourselves from them.

Here are the signs to look out for:

1. They come and go at odd hours, especially late at night and just before dawn.
2. They never attend church or celebrate religious holidays.
3. They often have no visible means of support, yet live well.
4. They carry strange bags and bundles, never revealing the contents.
5. They rarely laugh, or laugh under the wrong circumstances - e.g. when a child is hit by a car.
6. They are often openly interested in magic tricks or the occult.
7. They may cause instinctual fear in children or animals.
8. They are not afraid of blood - in fact, they seem attracted by it.
9. They collect weird things, such as animal skeletons or fingernail clippings.
10. They tend to dress warmly even in hot weather, as if they constantly feel chilled.

There you have it…and although the WWN does not offer any advice on the subject, I think it is probably best that if you spot a Satanist you call the authorities immediately.

Because the only difference between a Satanist and a Terrorist are the words Satan and Terror (and really how big of a difference is that?).

Goodnight everyone…and be safe.