Full House - The Rise And Fall Of

It has been brought to my attention that Jodie Sweetin (you might remember her as Stephanie Tanner, the sassy and at times annoying middle sister from Full House) has recently completed a 60 day stint in rehab for a crystal meth addiction. Now, while there is nothing particularly funny about a person with a crystal meth habit (even one which reportedly led to the depletion of over $200,000 in just over six months – which, although I don’t know the going rate for crystal meth, one would assume must equal a whole lot of crank), there is something funny, albeit in a dark way, in assessing the post-Full House lives of the actors and actresses of the show.

In fact, one could make an argument that in light of these recent developments the Full House gang has supplanted the group from Different Strokes as the clan who has suffered the biggest fall from success over the years (it’s definitely close, but seeing as how there’s more people from FH, I think this gives them the slight edge…at least for now, there’s no telling when Gary Coleman will do something else to swing the balance of power back the Different Strokes way).

Here’s how it breaks down:

Bob Saget (Danny Tanner) – currently in the best shape (career wise) of anyone from the show (which in and of itself is a very strong testament to how bad it’s gotten for the group). His appearance in last year’s highly acclaimed documentary The Aristocrats (and a guest spot on Entourage) helped him to once and for all shed the nice guy image of his previous work on the House and America’s Funniest Home Videos. He is now in the middle of post-production on a satire of March Of The Penguins, entitled Farce Of The Penguins, which will include, according to Bob, “footage of penguins fucking.” He also narrates the CBS smash hit How I Met Your Mother.

John Stamos (Uncle Jessie) – the man whose greatest success in the years following FH was his marriage – which has subsequently ended – to Rebecca Romijn (no longer Stamos), is now in the midst of seeing his current television series (Jake In Progress) come to an end. After poor ratings, the show has been put on hiatus while executives determine whether or not to continue with the show. He did however have that stint when he was briefly associated with the post Brian Wilson Beach Boys as a drummer, and according to Wikipedia he was the winning bidder on an Ebay auction for the fourteen-foot-tall Disneyland sign which used to mark the entrance to the park (he paid $30,700 for it).

Dave Coulier (Uncle Joey) – first rose to fame with the Nickelodeon series Out Of Control where he began using his signature catch phrase “cut-it-out.” In the years that followed aside from the successful run on FH, he is probably best known for being the man rumored to be the inspiration for the Alanis Morissette hit single “You Outta Know.” Currently he can be seen on Fox’s Skating with Celebrities (coincidentally you can also tune in to this show if you are looking for Todd Bridges – aka Willis).

Mary Kate and Ashley Olson (Michelle Tanner) – really there’s nothing that needs to be said here, as these two have a well-documented post FH life (including the countdown clock that marked when they turned 18), which up until recently was going in a relatively smooth direction. Certainly as far as financial security is concerned, these two are in the best shape (that is assuming they don’t blow it all on coke the same way Jodie Sweetin did on meth – however, this is unlikely because unlike Jodie these two have hundreds of millions). Nevertheless, finances aside, it seems that these two are destined for the Paris Hilton career track, and by that I mean it seems they are not really going to be doing too much of note in the near future. While Ashley remains at NYU, Mary-Kate has recently left school to pursue other interests (no comment needed). Now that they have passed the point in which their films will still appeal to the demographic for which they were designed it appears as if their show biz careers are on hold (that is until one of them decides they want to be looked at as a grown-up actress and takes a “bold” and “daring” role to break the mold of how the public sees them. This is commonly referred to as pulling an Elizabeth Berkley…Mary-Kate I’m looking in your direction here).

Candace Cameron Bure (DJ Tanner) – now married to Canadian hockey star Valeri Bure (they met through an introduction provided by Dave Coulier), Candace spends the majority of her time trying to spread the word of God throughout the world. She has a fascinating website (www.candacecameronbure.net) where visitors can take a test to find out if they are – in the eyes of God – a good person. I apparently, according to Candace’s website am going to hell, that is unless I find Jesus Christ and recognize him as my savior.

So there you have it…granted I didn’t bring up Andrea Barber (Kimmy Gibbler) or Lori Loughlin (Rebecca), but suffice to say neither one of them is up to anything worth mentioning (unless you consider Andrea’s studying in England to get her Master’s of Women’s Studies at the University of York something of note).

In other news…last night I went out to a birthday dinner with my brother and my friend Dan to this burger/hipster bar in Santa Monica called Father’s Office. Inside dining and now the newest addition to my List of Celebrities I Have Seen, was 2 time Oscar winner Hilary Swank.